Tuesday, August 5, 2014

July 2014, possibly the worst month ever.

I've finally managed to get back on this site and feel ready to provide an update.  So much crazy stuff happened in July that it almost seems impossible for one person to suffer.  I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies the type of month that I just had to endure.  I'll try and be as brief as possible so as not to produce a wall of text that would make Dickens jealous.

The month started off with my boss dying on July 2nd.  Without getting into too many details, he went in to the hospital towards the end of June and required open heart surgery.  I was closer to him then I realised.  I am already noticing big changes with my job with him gone and I am not happy.  He was a great person and was understanding when I spoke with him in private about my struggles with depression.  In fact, he's the single reason that I rejoined my company.  He helped setup an insurance plan and offered me my old job back after I had left for a year to work at a shipping company.  I had grown tired of the company and my old boss but he assured me things were changing for the better.  I will miss his advice greatly and my prayers are with his family and his 2 kids.

With July 4th falling on a Friday, I had a nice 3 day weekend to kind of clear my mind which I need to do badly.  I didn't really do too much but it was spent relaxing at home with family which is probably the best way to spend a weekend anyways.  Grieving a boss isn't the same as a family member but when you see that person 5 days a week, its still a huge loss.  I felt the time off was well needed for me to recharge.

I had an epiphany of sorts the following week.  I realized that even though I had been self denying it, the girl that I had been seeing weekly for lunch as a friend meant much much more to me.  I realized that I was in love.  What exactly I was in love with though was the question.  Was it just the lunch meetings?  The faux feeling of companionship that it provided?  Having someone to text and snapchat random stuff during the day?  That is what I needed to figure out.  I decided that in order to do this I would have to stop the lunch meetings or dates or whatever they were.  I would have to let her know.

The following week the unthinkable happened.  My brother who has been living with us for about 16 years died.  He suffered from epilepsy, autism, ADD, and was a special needs kid.  He had 4 back to back seizures (a rarity) and stopped breathing after the last one.  EMTs and my parents who were home at the time were unable to resuscitate him.  He died from SUDEP (Sudden unexpected death in epilepsy).  It was an emotionally jarring event obviously for me and my parents.  I ended up taking 3 days off of work to deal with the grief and to help with the preparations needed for the service and burial.

Wow, even just reading what I wrote here almost seems unreal.  I guess the only thing to learn from this is that life is hard and all of us go through trying times that make or break us.  It's just all a matter of what decisions we make and how we deal with lifes hardships that truly defines who we are as a person.  Through it all, I will continue to strive to be the best person that I can be.  I am thankful for my friends and family who have helped me along the way that have formed me into the person that I am today.