Thursday, September 11, 2014

Finding meaning in a chaotic world

This is a crazy world we live in, and I feel as if it is sucking me into its madness.  Thoughts and feelings that I had just a few weeks ago now seem not important.  Lots of things are happening around me yet I feel like I am the same and my life is stagnant.

I wish I could find a way out of this spiral, but it seems hopeless.  I am not depressed or sad, my overall mood is just ok.  I am happy for my friends that have big news.  Whether its marriage, a baby on the way, new job.  My happiness for them is muted though and I will admit to being selfish.  I wish many of these things for myself yet nothing is happening. Nothing is happening in my life, nothing ever happens in my life.  Why should it?

No matter how hard I try, I always succumb to the same stupid mistakes that have burned bridges in previous relationships.  I learn and I never learn.  I can't escape my personality and destructive habits and it is my downfall in life.

Here's to hoping that things turn around soon and get better.