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Saturday, February 13, 2016

Still Alive

I'm broken.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.  Recently my doctor diagnosed me as mild bi-polar, along with depression.  I'm not sure if the meds are helping, hurting, or doing nothing.  This weekend has been an emotional roller coaster.  One moment I'm laughing, one moment I'm crying.

I felt like I was making major progress this week.  Finally getting over things that have been bothering me.  Then something happens, my plans don't turn out the way I want, and I act irrational.  In the moment, it seems totally rational.  But afterwards looking back, I wonder WTF was going on.

I'm talking in generalities on purpose.  I'm not sure how much in detail I want to go into in a forum like this.  But I haven't updated in nearly a year and I feel like I needed to write something.

I hate this feeling.  This feeling of helplessness.  I know I will feel differently tomorrow probably and realize how silly this all is.  But right now, I am not OK.

Over and out.